


DESPONDENT

by Cow_Flop



Category: cowchop
Genre: Cowchop - Freeform, HundarHD, ImmortalHD, M/M, NovaHD - Freeform, NovaHundar, UberHaxorNova - Freeform, hundarnova - Freeform, hungryhundar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-09
Updated: 2018-07-28
Packaged: 2018-10-29 23:48:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 2,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10864665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cow_Flop/pseuds/Cow_Flop
Summary: This is a collection of drabbles. No story in this will exceed 500 words*. Most stories will be based off quotes I found from Ten Word Story, Six Word Story, or from other places. Songs will also be used for inspiration. These will not be happy stories, and there will be no continuity between them, unless otherwise stated.Things that may be triggering or uncomfortable for some will be stated so at the beginning.*authoer notes, warnings, and quote source not included in final word count.





	1. Aleksandr

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hello and welcome to a new thing!!!!  
> As stated in the description, this will be a collection of sad/emotional drabbles.  
> I've been thinking about doing this for a while now bc I've found a bunch of great Ten Word Story and Six Word Story quotes on FB and I just really wanted to write something based off of them.  
> I felt that making this it's own little story would be best bc this writing style will be kind of different than those.  
> I also thought that making them into drabbles would be more challenging as well.  
> As w all of my other works, things that may be triggering or uncomfortable for some will be stated so.  
> Just please keep in mine that these stories/drabbles will be more serious, so if that isn't your thing, then I suggest I read my other stories or find another writer to enjoy. 
> 
>  
> 
> *implied physical abuse/domestic violence*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  __  
> **"Things changed, now you only speak to me in dreams".**  
>  -Ten Word Story

_"Aleksandr."_

Such a beautiful sound, his name coming from James' lips. It held a different meaning. Aleksandr was more than just a person or name to James Wilson. It was his. It was his happiness, his well being, his love. Aleksandr was his anger, his rage, his hate. He was his sun, his moon. He brought such a brightness to his life. Aleksandr made James feel whole, complete. Satisfied.

_"Aleksandr."_

With light, comes darkness. With good, come bad. One cannot exist without the other. James cannot exist without Aleksandr, and Aleksandr cannot exist without James. Through trial and error, they learned to love each other, and damn did they love fiercely _._

_"Aleksandr."_

Cons outweighed the pros. Yelling and screaming became a norm. They fought, physically and verbally. Neighbors worried. Cops arrived. James was sent to jail. Aleksandr sobbed, begging them to reconsider.

_"Aleksandr."_

Nightmares turned to pleasures. James haunted Aleksandr's dreams in the best way possible. Nothing bad ever happens there. Everything is pure and full of life. He gets the relationship he'd always hoped for with James. A big, beautiful house with a white picket fence. Two dogs and a cat. A fantasy he'll never experience.

" _Aleksandr."_

_\---------_

_Word count: 198_


	2. Too Fucking Late

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> __  
> ***Major Character Death***  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _ **"It took me a while but I finally found you."**_   
>  -Ten Word Story

 

 

" _It took me a while but I finally found you._ " Aleks smiled sadly. "I'm sorry I missed the funeral. I'll never forgive myself for that."

The grave was silent.

"I just couldn't bring myself to go."

A bird landed on the headstone. It looked at Aleks and chirped.

"I brought you flowers."

A light breeze rustled the red and brown leaves of the tree overhead.

"Trevor turned ten today. He's having a sleep over at Aron's after school. He's gonna stay the _whole_ weekend."

Silence.

"He asks about you all time."

Aleks watched the bird fly away.

"He misses you. We all do."

Aleks crouched. He placed a delicate hand on the headstone and patted it. Tears welled in his eyes as his heart started to break all over again.

"Why did you do it James? Why?"

He choked back a sob, placing the dozen roses on the grave.

"The thing that sucks the most about this is that it took you dying to make me realize how much I love you. I never got to tell you my feelings. I was too late. I'm _way_ too fucking late."

\--

**_Word count: 190_ **


	3. Free

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> __  
>  ***Implied Alcoholism, Implied Abusive Relationship***   
> 

"Aleksandr Marchant the third! If you walk out that door, don't you _EVER_ come back!" James' voice bounced off the walls of their apartment. Aleks stood by the front door. Tears welled in his eyes as he desperately tried to stay strong. "James, please. We both know this isn't working anymore." He took a hold of the door handle, but made no move to turn it. Instead, he gripped it tightly. He gripped it until his hand hurt and his knuckles turned white. "Aleks.. Please.. Don't leave me. We-we can still make this work. We can fix this!"

The crack in James' voice pulled at Aleks' heart. He knew there was no fixing this. The damage was done. "Things would already better if it were possible James. I'm leaving, whether you want me to or not." "No you're _not_!" Aleks flinched when the half empty whisky bottle shattered on the wall, which nearly hit him in the head. The sob he was holding in escaped. Water fell freely from his face and his shoulders heaved heavily.

"A-Aleks.." James stuttered. He looked down at his hands. "Goddammit! Aleks, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry!" He cried. James warily walked towards his lover and gently touched his shoulders. Aleks flinched again. "I'm so sorry. Please. Just.. Just give me one more chance. I'll change this time! I swear!" The whisky set heavy on James' breath.

Aleks shrugged James off. He took a deep breath and turned the handle. "No James. You're going to stay the same, and I'm going to get out while I can." James put a hand on his shoulder again and roughly grabbed it. "I'm going to die without you. If you leave, you're going to be the death of me." His voiced was filled with venom, but it did little to deter Aleks. He turned to James and looked him dead in the eye. " _YOU'RE_ going to be the death of you. _YOU'RE_ the one who's going to drink himself to death, and _I'M_ not sticking around to watch you kill yourself further."

With that, Aleks left, slamming the door behind him. Instantly, a weight was lifted off his shoulders. He took a deep breath and looked to the sky with a smile. "I'm free." He whispered. "I'm finally free."


	4. Faucet*

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _***Implied Suicide** _   
>  _**(National Suicide Hotline:1-800-273-8255)** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a request on Wattpad

_Drip._   
_Drip._   
_Drip._

"Why don't you love me?! You're supposed to love me!"

_Drip._   
_Drip._   
_Drip._

" _I do love you_!"

_Drip._   
_Drip._   
_Drip._

"Get out! Get out! Leave and never come back! I hate you!"

_Drip._   
_Drip._   
_Drip._

" _I'm sorry...._ "

_Drip._   
_Drip._   
_Drip._

James's head throbbed; his heart ached. Tears stained his skin.

_Drip._   
_Drip._   
_Drip._

His body trembled. He was so _cold_ \-- _alone_. _Empty._

_Drip._   
_Drip._   
_Drip._

Girlish giggles flooded his brain.

_Drip._   
_Drip._   
_Drip._

His thoughts haunted him. Aleks haunted him. _She_ haunted him.

_Drip._   
_Drip._   
_Drip._

It was eating away at James-- the lying, the cheating. For how long it went unnoticed..

_Drip._   
_Drip._   
_Drip._

He stared at the broken reflection of a broken man.

_Drip._   
_Drip._   
_Drip._

_Numb._ All James wanted to be was numb.

_Drip._   
_Drip._   
_Drip._

The creak of the medicine cabinet could've woken the dead in the silent "home".

_Drip._   
_Drip._   
_Drip._

Tylenol.

_Drip._   
_Drip._   
_Drip._

**_Take 2 pills every 6 hours as needed. Do not exceed 6 pills._ **

_Drip._   
_Drip._   
_Drip._

_Drip._   
_Drip._   
_Drip._

_Drip._

_Drip._

_Drip._

 

_\--_

 

_**National Suicide Hotline:  
** **_1-800-273-8255_ ** _


	5. Foolish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _**Italics at beginning are flashback** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _ **"You said you weren't a good man; I should've listened"**_  
>  -Ten Word Story

_The pictures on the wall rattled as James forced Aleks up against it. Aleks let out a small sigh, giving James just enough space to slide his tongue in the others mouth. Aleks threw his arms round James' neck and pulled him even closer. Their teeth clicked together frequently, resulting in the kiss being sloppy, but still maintaining intensity. James grabbed Aleks' sides and squeezed hard, causing him to push off the wall ever so slightly. He did it again, this time making Aleks moan. Once more he squeezed; Aleks broke to kiss to gasp._

_"You know, Aleksandr, you're being foolish." James husked. "I'm not a man you should be doing these things with." He brought his lips to Aleks' neck then delicately placed feather light kisses on the skin. "I'm trouble. I'm only going to hurt you and not think twice about it."_

\-------------

Tan: what a vile, disgusting, and evil colour. Aleks stared at his walls utterly revolted. Once a colour he admired, now a colour that made him sick. These tan walls told many stories of him and a man he dared to love. A man he so _foolishly_ and _blindly_ loved.

_"He's no good Aleks."_

_"He'll only hurt you."_

_"He's scum."_

_"He doesn't care for you."_

_"You're just the flavor of the month."_

_"But I can change him!"_ Aleks would say.

" _It's different with me!"_ Aleks would say.

_"He cares for me too!"_ Aleks would say.

_"He just doesn't want to settle down!"_ Aleks would say.

Aleks made excuse after excuse for James, hoping, _praying,_ that he could change him, but a wild animal cannot tamed. A wild animal will do as it pleases and what it feels necessary. It stalks its prey, then pounces when the moment's _just_ right. It sinks its sharp teeth and claws in the flesh and feasts, leaving nothing but a carcass behind.

That's what James did to Aleks. He devoured his heart and soul, and left him as a broken and empty shell of a man. Aleks was nothing more than another meal. James felt no remorse. James felt _nothing_ while Aleks felt _everything._


	6. In The Dark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A quick fic based on this post.  
> http://thearmyofgrunge.tumblr.com/post/159151499204

Aleks lie awake next to James, who's in a deep sleep, evident by his snoring. A lone neon sign blinks outside. It lights the room slightly with every flash. Emptiness filled the young man. A once bright and cheerful soul now turned dark and hopeless. He fears he's losing himself with James, fearing he's in too deep.

James stirs, breaking Aleks from his thoughts. Aleks stares at him, hoping he doesn't wake. James shifts again, pulling Aleks flush against his body, causing him to shiver. He bites his bottoms lip and tries to steady his breathing.

"You say you love me, and fucking hell, I love you," Aleks carefully wiggled out of James' embrace to face his unconscious body,

"But why do you only ever touch me in the dark?"

\--

_**Word count**_ : _129_


	7. Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _"It's you. It's always been you."_   
>  _**-Six Word Story** _

_"It's you. It's always been you"_ James whispered to a sleeping Aleks. "You're in every thought, every dream... You're everywhere.

"I don't know how you became such a big piece of my heart, but here we are. I can't imagine a life without you. How fucked up is that huh? If you were awake right now, you'd probably freak out and leave. Maybe one day I'll you how I feel. Maybe you'll feel the same, but for now, I'm fine confessing my love for you like this."

**_Word count:_ ** _150_


	8. Wind and Fire

     James and Aleksandr, two forces to be reckoned with. Aleks was the wind and James was the fire. Like the wind, Aleks went freely, never bothered by anything. Like the fire, James burned fiercely, engulfing everything and everyone. Like wind and fire, Aleks led James and James followed without hesitation. Both were dangerous forces by themselves, but devastation followed when they were together.

     They were feared by many across every inch of the city. Sirens and alarms would blare when they came to life, if the law had their way. Aleks and James ran the city and they almost had it by the balls.  

     Wind can be disastrous and strong and treacherous, but it's amplified when accompanied by other forces of nature. So when James abandoned Aleks, he felt weak and pathetic and like a joke.

     Fire can be terrifying and wild and deadly, but it's amplified in small spaces and dry fields. So when Aleks smothered him, he burned out, became nothing more than ash in the wind that once carried him.

\--

**_Word count:_ ** _173_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> __  
> **THIS IS ONE OF THE BESTBTHINGS IVE EVER WRITTEN OH MY GOD IM SO PROUD.**  
> 


	9. When Fire Meets Fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _"I look at you, and I just love you, and it terrifies me. It terrifies me what I would do for you."_   
>  **-unknown**

 

* * *

  _ **[Twin Flames - In This Moment](https://youtu.be/x83P5LjpWpA)**_

* * *

 

It was inside Aleks, the fire. It burned and blazed and danced deep inside his heart and soul. He was fire personified. Those who got close, often got burned by no fault of their own. Fire is dangerous and unpredictable, but also maintains a certain beauty. Many have tried to extinguish Aleks, tried to tame and control his wild nature, but all have failed. A fire as bold and imposing as Aleks cannot be so easily contained. He burned, free and wild.

It was inside Brett, the fire. It crackled and danced and embers floated deep inside his heart and soul. He was fire personified. People flocked to him, warmed and comforted in his presence. Fire is dangerous and unpredictable, but also beautiful and harmless. Many have tried to bolster Brett, tried to strengthen and bring about more intensity, but to no avail. A fire as tame and controlled as Brett needs oxygen and space. He burned, timid and contained.

When fire meets fire, disaster strikes. It merges into one catastrophic flame. When Aleks met Brett, Hell shook beneath the earth. The Devil himself wept. God abandoned his holy duties. When Brett met Aleks his fire grew stronger, more wild. His own confines turned to ash. Some might argue that once a contained fire is free, it's more difficult to contain a second time.

Aleks awakened Brett's wild side. No longer was he restricted by barriers. He burned happily and freely alongside Aleks. Their fires burned passionately together, held back nothing from one another. They were twin flames, one in the same, burning fiercely, igniting everything in their path. 

A fire that burns bright and fierce often is the first to die.

Brett sacrificed all he could, but alas, it was not enough. Aleks met his demise. He exhausted himself. The last ember flicked then disappeared just as quick, leaving nothing but ash that slipped through Brett's fingers. An immense loss and rage stirred somewhere inside him. He yelled, the sound inhuman and grief stricken. A wall of fire surrounded him. Brett cried out again and the wall of flames shot out, scorching everything.

Once a tame and harmless fire, Brett was now an angry, vengeful, and out of control fire storm. He left no blade of grass or person untouched. Every living and non living thing felt his wrath. He wanted to the world to burn for taking Aleks away. He wanted everything turned to a measly pile of ash, just like Aleks.

Brett wanted to watch the world burn, and he was going to burn with it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> __  
>  **Word count: 429**   
> 


	11. Don’t get attached; don’t fall in love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _**wasn’t how I wanted it go but oh well** _

Moments of peace were rare. It’s always go, go, go or plan, plan, plan. They never got a chance to just _sit_ and enjoy each other’s company, or to enjoy being _alive and safe together._ So, when they have instances like this— down time or just _nothing at all_ — Brett and and James took full advantage.  

They were simple men. Neither cared for big or showy affection. Neither were sentimental— though of the two, Brett was the most. Simply being together was enough. They were like an old married couple, and if they were honest, they’d never be afforded that luxury. James and Brett knew deep in their hearts and bones that they wouldn’t make it past forty. Brett only had a handful of years left, two at most if he was very lucky. James still had a whole decade left. It didn’t bother them really. It’s just a constant nagging voice in the back of their heads. 

“ _Don’t get attached._ ” It said. 

“ _You’ll die before he does._ ” 

“ _He’ll die before you_.” 

“ _Don’t fall in love._ ” 

_Don’t get attached. Don’t fall in love. Don’t get attached. Don’t fall in love. Don’t get attached. Don’t fall in love. DON’T GET ATTACHED. DON’T FALL IN LOVE. DON’T GET ATTACHED. DON’T FALL IN LOVE. DON’T GET ATTACHED! DON’T FALL IN LOVE! DON’T GET ATTACHED! DON’T FALL IN LOVE!_

A constant loop in their minds. A constant reminder of what not to do. 

They never were good at following rules.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _**Word Count:** 246_


	12. Painkiller

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> __  
> **[Inspired by Painkiller by Halestorm](https://youtu.be/lEKLjzxQdKY)**  
> 

_[“I can hit it, quit it, not addicted. You know it’s a lie.”](https://youtu.be/lEKLjzxQdKY) _

He’s stared at this same ceiling a thousand times. James could point out every little detail. That one cobweb in the left corner an inch from the wall. The actual spiderweb. The little brown stain from an old water leak a centimeter from the light. The one stroke of paint going the wrong way that only he’s noticed. He’s spent a lot of time on his back here.

It wasn’t supposed to be a dependency. Just a quick fuck and he’d be done. Gone. Disappeared. But here James was: on his back again, completely dazed and satisfied with a should be stranger passed out, cuddled up next to him. Aleks was a fucking addiction that he could not break. Heroin. Cocaine. _Painkiller_. A fucking _drug_.

Was it love? No. Infatuation? No, but more likely than love. James didn’t know— but he knew he kept coming back. Every. Fucking. Time.

Withdrawals.

Addiction.

James knew he was fucked. Rehab didn’t exist for this kind of thing. If it did, James would be in recovery. He wouldn’t stay clean long though.

Aleks is tempting, seductive. Dangerously bad for anyone’s health. James would relapse, just like everyone before him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _**Word Count:** 208_


End file.
